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The Buddhist Concept of Friendship
The Buddhist Concept of Friendship

by Sally Talent

'Spiritual friendship is the whole of the Spiritual life'.
(Buddha).

Buddhist concept of friendship, can perhaps be seen most clearly in 'Metta' and 'Karuna'. 'Metta' or 'loving kindness' are of the highest value to all Buddists. They try to extend their 'loving-kindness' to all living beings, with no exceptions. 'Karuna' or 'Compassion' is a virtue which Buddhists continually try to cultivate. Friendship is thought to have the expectations and personal responsibilities of both 'Karuna' and 'Metta', as is taught in the 'Sacred Dhamma'.

'The Fourteen Teachings of Buddha' are a good guide to the Buddhist idea of friendship. I have written them below and will include my own interpretations with the perspective of 'Karuna' and 'Metta'

1. 'The greatest enemy in life is the self.' The person most difficult to love is one self. Before we can love others, we need to be able to see ourselves as good people and love ourselves. In doing good actions and gaining good results in good Karma, we are not only showing 'loving kindness' and 'compassion' to others, we are also showing it to ourselves. We feel better about ourselves and in doing so are more attractive to others.

2. 'The greatest ignorance in life is deceit.' If we deceive others we will eventually lose those friendships and hurt ourselves. Buddhists believe that if someone deceives us, we should be loving to this person and compassionate for their ignorance. On the other hand, we should not let friends drain us of our spirit and energy.

3. 'The greatest failure in life is vanity.' We should try and think of others and what we can do for them, rather than our selves. If we are all consumed with ourselves, our appearance, our lives, then we are not giving enough of our selves to our friends.

4. 'The greatest tragedy in life is jealousy.' Too much time is wasted being jealous of the things others have and we do not. We may be jealous because our friend has a nice car, or money, a good husband and other things that we do not have. We must be happy for our friends and perhaps they will share what they have with us.

5. 'The greatest error in life is to lose oneself.' Sometimes we get lost in other people. We may try to emulate our friends lives, clothes, shoes, actions. This is a terrible mistake, because our friends like us for who we are and do not want us to be the same as them. If we were all the same the world would be a very boring place.

6. 'The greatest crime in life is disloyalty to parents.' We should always have compassion and love for our parents because they are our roots. We should always try and understand them and be loyal. Our parents are also our friends.

7. 'The greatest pity in life is self-belittlement.' If we do not think highly of ourselves, how can others hold us in high regard? Our friendships are based on respect for each other and for ourselves.

8. 'The greatest pride in life is recovering from failures.' We should look at our imperfections and those of our friends and love them. If we fail and stand up once more, it is better than having not failed to begin with.

9. 'The greatest bankruptcy in life is hopelessness.' To be without hope is to be without a soul. Friends do not want to be with someone who has no hope and is pessimistic.

10. 'The greatest wealth in life is health and wisdom.' We should store our health and wisdom in a high place and that of our friends, because no amount of money can buy these precious things.

11. 'The greatest debt in life is affection and love.' If our friends give us affections and love, we should pay it back a thousand fold, because this is a special thing.

12. 'The greatest gift in life is acceptance and forgiveness.' If our friends accept us and forgive us for our wrong actions, we are blessed. In the same way, we should try and forgive our friends.

13. 'The greatest weakness in life is lack of awareness.' If we are unaware, we are open to hurt. Buddhism believes that we should let people be who they are. However, not all people are good, or capable of being good, and we should always be aware of this. Loving and Kindness are one thing, but being taken for a complete fool is another!

14. 'The greatest consolation in life is charity.' Sometimes we all need charity. Perhaps it is money because your husband has died and you do not have the funds to support yourself. Then this charity is the greatest consolation in you life, because it will never replace your husband/friend.

Without friendships our lives would be very lonely. We all need to take care of our friends who, in turn, will take care of us.

SOURCES

www.beliefnet.com
www. aboutbuddhism.com
wikipedia encyclopedia